sabotage alert!

I remembered the head-e-ology post I was actually going to write – before I got all philosophical on you!

Sabotage! I’m being sabotaged….

by whom you might ask?

well, actually…me….

let me explain….

have you ever been in a space where everything seems to be cruising along nicely – relationship going well, got enough money to live, have a bit of fun and maybe a nice holiday, car is going well, kids are behaving/doing well at school, nothing to fix on the house, good social life?

isn’t life great?

but then things start to fall apart and you can’t quite put your finger on why or how – I mean you’re still the same person as are your partner/kids/pets/family, but suddenly your job sucks, you’ve put on weight, the car keeps breaking down, there’s 4 time more bills than there used to be, the kids/partner/pets are all sick, you’ve put on weight….

what I’m talking about here is that you may have a subconscious sabotage pattern going on where despite your best intentions things just aren’t going according to plan – somewhere you are doing something consciously that is in conflict with your subconscious desires. Now our conscious brain only accounts for 10% of our brain activity…so if your subconscious self doesn’t want a bar of what your conscious mind wants guess whats going to happen? right, the 90% subconscious part of you is going to win…every time!

These sabotage patterns can be about anything and generally manifests itself when you start doing something different that takes you outside of your comfort zone, and that of those around you, and you experience fear and uncertainty. For example you might leave a safe job and start your own business – what if you fail? what if you succeed? what if in your success you lose your friends/family/peers/colleagues, what if you can’t support your family? what if..what if…what if – if you’ve ever done anything that scares you, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Then of course there’s the advice – everybody has advice for you all of a sudden, usually well intentioned but does not help if you’ve got the whole ‘what if’ train going through your head.. for example do you know what you’re doing?  why did you feel you needed to leave your nice safe job? what if you can’t pay the mortgage? what about your family? what about the debt you’re taking on? how will you pay the bills?

but you persevere with your goals…and somehow it just doesn’t quite work out..and then of course you get the whole ‘told you so’, ‘see you knew you couldn’t do it’ whirl going on and you go back to a nice safe job and everyone around you is happy because you’re back to being ‘your sensible old self’, but deep down you know that its sabotage..self sabotage…because your conscious and subconscious minds were not in alignment and of course your subconscious self won.

I’ve done this to myself 3 times now, although i didn’t know what it was at the time  - 1st time I was in a great job, had a beautiful sports car, good friends, more money than I could shake a stick at, beautiful clothes…


and I turned my life upside down to escape it by moving from England to Australia - I didn’t know a single person in Australia at the time! I sold everything I owned, shut down my company and just got on a plane and set up a new life in Melbourne in the space of 6 weeks. Then I got to a stage in my life in Australia – great job, earning more than I’ve ever earned before, great friends, great social life, great relationship, I could afford a RTW trip and archaeological expeditions in the Andes, and trekking in Bhutan..


so I moved back to England to ‘test the strength of my relationship’…


when that didn’t work out, I moved back to Australia to save said relationship, then with no job, no money, $30000 of credit card debt…I went and bought an apartment, off the plan…and spent the next 2 years scrimping to save enough money to pay the settlement…tough!

fast forward a few years, am living the city life – love the apartment, still in relationship, have done some personal development training and started investing in property…


so I convinced my partner that we now needed to go and live in England – to further his career in the wine industry of course….


Fortunately that didn’t eventuate, through the NLP training I was doing, I came to realise that I had a fear of success sabotage pattern running through my life…thanks Johnnie Cass I will be forever grateful for that parts integration you did for me.

sidenote: if you’re ever in a mess and need someone to coach you through to the other side, bail up Johnnie – he’s genuine, caring and there for you and he will get you to where you want to be.

ok, so now as a result of my NLP training, I have the awareness to recognise when I’m sabotaging myself and what I can do to stop it.

so how have I been sabotaging myself? didn’t I just write how wonderful my life is right now ? yes I did – I have a job that I love, I am in the best physical health of my life, I’ve got rid of the depression, I’ve got an amazing holiday planned, I now know who my real true friends are, I’ve started a real estate course, I love my training, I’m excited about the new and unexpected direction I’m going in that has brought me into contact with some fantastic people and guess what that means…?


uh oh!

and here’s what I’m doing:

In order to compete I have to get my body fat % down to between 6 – 8%. Now as of last saturday (9th July) Melita measured me at 9.8% – so even though after my photoshoot I’d been eating lots, I have still leaned up.

Thats great isn’t it? well yes, consciously I know thats what I need to do to compete…I also know (consciously) that for women, low body fat %  i.e less than 10% carries health implications…thyroid issues, hormonal issues, OSTEOPOROSIS to name a few…

My grandmother had osteoporosis and it was heartbreaking to see her body fall apart whilst her mind was still sharp as a tack. My mother is starting to look incredibly frail…and I am the same build as both of them…

and finally having let my health slide and spent the better part of 2 years getting backing into this amazing shape my health is my number one value in my life – it is NOT negotiable. period. Without your health NOTHING else matters.

so do you think there could be a subconscious desire within me NOT to lose any more body fat?

you bet!

I’ve already ‘fessed up to cheating on my diet after only 1 week…and yesterday I cheated again…I was trying to make quinoa pancakes last night – enough for 3 days – and they stuffed up – so I ate all of the messed up versions instead of throwing them away!

Not only am I not allowed carbs at night, but 3 DAYS worth??? bugger.

I’m seeing Melita next week, so I am going to have to be rigid on the diet this week otherwise she’s going to be pissed at me.

so there it is – self sabotage… I’m so glad I have the awareness of what is happening, and that I’ve recognised it so early on in  this preparation because I know I can do something about it – I have the mental tools and training to reconcile the conflicted parts within me so that all of me is aligned with this goal of getting up on stage in the best shape that I can be in.

wish me luck! its going to be tougher than I expected

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