Post comp blues….?

Monday morning

I’ve decided to do a training session – even though Sunday was full on, I feel the need to train.

I haven’t slept much at all – I dont know if its the wine but my head was just full and churning so when the alarm went off I was feeling really flat and lethargic and didn’t really want to get out of bed.

What to have for breakfast? I really couldn’t face the prospect of chicken and sweet potatoes for breakfast…

again…

and why should I? I’ve done the comp so now I can eat normally again – boiled eggs and blueberries it is then – YUM!

I still had the car so I drove to the gym – didn’t I feel like the lazy person and I’m horribly early – could really do with a snooze or should I go and get a coffee? I can’t be bothered to do either so I just sit in the car flipping through radio stations – why are they all talking inane drivel??? will someone just play some music???

fed up with the radio I head into the gym its 7:15 -still half an hour before my session starts…I talk to the receptionist and tell her about my comp which is cool and then I sit down on one of the chairs – I REALLY can’t be bothered to get on a cardio machine and warm up, in fact I’m feeling flatter by the second – I also notice Aiden is not in – crap forgot my phone I hope he hasn’t called to cancel. So I’m slumped in the chair in reception and in walks Aiden – he looks as wrecked as I do!

He’s pissed off because his client before me cancelled at the last minute and he didn’t sleep either – lots of stuff was said on sunday night after going out, so we need to clear the air. He starts apologizing for telling me that I needed to get bigger to go further and that I wouldn’t get anywhere at the nationals because I would be up against people who had been training for years. I stop him and tell him that it doesn’t matter anyway because I’m done. He looks like a stunned mullet – he was NOT expecting that!

I’m done, finished, over it, no more comps – I know I’ve achieved a lot in just 10 weeks and to come second by a single point to someone who has spent a whole year training for that comp – well I’m pretty bloody proud of myself and I’ve decided I just don’t want it enough to keep going…just for one extra point…I don’t want to become like that girl who has no life outside the gym, I’ve got other things I want to persue, I’ve got to get my tax return done, I want to buy my ex out of the properties so I can go on with investing just for me, I want to focus on my spanish for Ecuador, I want to get my shoulders right – I’m soooo fed up with being in constant pain, I want to take it easy for a few months before starting mountain training because I’ve put my body through a hell of a lot in the last 2 years and it needs time off and besides I don’t think I can face eating chicken and broccoli for another 4 weeks…

so, air cleared, we’re back on the same page again and decide to just do a shake out workout, nothing too heavy just compounds and some plyometrics.  Aiden suggests I take the whole week off training and we’ll see where I’m at next Monday.

I head off home feeling a little better but still pretty flat – then the traffic is a total nightmare through Richmond and it takes me 45 minutes to get home!! its 5km from the gym to my apartment how can it take 45 mins!!! so now I have to rush to get showered and get the car back.

When I get home there’s a missed call from Aiden – odd, he’s never done that before…he’s left a message saying how he’s told all the other trainers about my achievement and they’re all asking if I’m doing the nationals – he’s excited, but I’m not in any mood to hear what he’s saying so I just delete the message.

now what to have for second breakfast…strawberries? yoghurt and berries? I mean I can eat anything I like now…can’t I?

I have tuna salad. In fact I wanted to eat the tuna salad – not quite a craving, but it was the only thing I felt like eating – hmmm…pavlovian…

Time to drop off the car and I head into town to get some of the photos of me printed out – I promised all the people who helped me get together my stage look that I would show them the results, so there was Nikki my tan lady , the lady whose name I don’t know from the perfume shop in the royal arcade and Giselle at the Illamasqua makeup stand in Myer.

And I’ve got to get these bloody false nails off…it took  about 1 hour to get the damn things off!!! then I picked up the photos…I got 2 of Melitas photos of me printed – damn I look good – great shots!

As I’m doing my errands there’s something niggling at me, I can’t quite put my finger on it

By now I’m starving, I pop into Australia on Collins theres an indonesian food place that does a really good beef rendang which I thought that would be just nice for lunch. As I’m standing at the counter all of a sudden the concept of eating something so rich and carb laden fills me with horror – I can’t do it – I actually want to have chicken salad for lunch…

and then I get whats been niggling at me – I’m not done, I’m not finished with this – if I quit now I haven’t taken it as far as I can, I always say when I do something it’s all in  - all or nothing – if I don’t go on and do the nationals then I haven’t gone all in..and I’ve already qualified, then there’s the Universe – its in Australia for the first time ever and I’VE ALREADY QUALIFIED!

and I can deal with eating chicken and broccoli for another 4 weeks…!

Now I have to get home in a hurry and tell Aiden not to book my Thursday training spot – its on again!

There a lot of love flying around the internet when I get home! Lots of wonderful pictures – I email Aiden and he’s right back at me and is very excited by my new decision – he’s behind me all the way!

Wednesday

I used to be a computer programmer and theres a software development methodology called Agile – basically it’s a very fluid process whereby requirements are broken down into bite sized chunks, then you plan how many chunks can be done in a specified period of time, usually 3 weeks, and then at the end of each 3 week cycle you show what you’ve done and have whats known as a Retro – a wash up session if you like, where you assess what went right, what didn’t go quite so well and what could be improved for the next cycle.

Well theres 4 weeks to go till the Aussies and 6 til the Universe so I decided I had time to do a retro and I asked some of the judges for feedback on my performance from Sunday – what went right, what went wrong, what could I improve upon – in 4 weeks.

What went right:

My look – feedback from a friend who used to stage manage musicals like Cats said I just stood out – I projected confidence, I owned the stage, the blue worked extremely well with my complexion and eyes, the I dream of Genie theme was an eye catcher and should become my ‘brand’!

One of the judges also commented to Melita that the blue worked so much better than the red.

My compulsories were good in general and well above average for a novice who only 10 weeks ago had never stood on a pair of platform heels!

My physique and conditioning were spot on

My legs…nothing more to add there! :-)

One judge even said ‘where have you been hiding?’ – must tell Melita about that, its exactly the impact she was hoping to obtain! Mission accomplished!

The diet – I found it easy, and it obviously suits my body – I look disgustingly healthy! not drawn or ill like some people do.

What didn’t go quite so well:

My symmetry – stiff, robotic elbows too high

Front Bicep – need to tip my butt back a bit more – hmm..thought I had that one down pat. never mind all feedback is good feedback – take it on board and fix it.

My glutes and shoulders are not really big enough (no surprises there really!) and ultimately that’s what cost me the overall – I was beaten by the more complete athlete.

I need to get some more muscle on me – one of the judges knows that there are bigger people than Sundays overall winner who will be at the Aussies…hmmm. Never mind this one is going to be all about the learning experience – where I do need to get to if….

Timing – being caught out just before my main category and getting stressed, not good

Not trusting our own game plan

What could be improved upon:

My symmetry – needs to be more fluid, more feminine, softer in the elbows

Think ‘coathanger’ was one judges comment

Bending my back as much as I can and tipping my butt to the ceiling to give the illusion that my butt is bigger it will also bring out my legs even more in the front double bicep pose.

Always be ready for last minute changes no matter how far away the next event appears to be.

The upshot of this is that I’m having doubts again about whether to go for the Aussies and Universe, I mean I know its going to be virtually impossible to get any size onto me  – I did manage to put ON ½ kg in the 3 weeks between my dexa scans and that was despite having cut down to only 1 carb meal a day and having added in the cardio 5 days week, so it may be possible, the trouble is I really need to get the size onto my shoulders, but I can’t train them properly because they’re so sore – do I just ignore it and risk doing permanent damage? Is it worth it? Do I really want this, THAT much?

I know I can improve my symmetry – practice, practice, practice

this is messing with my head big time…I know Aiden was excited on Monday when I told him I’d changed my mind and decided to go for it, but am I doing this for the right reasons? Why am I doing it? I thoroughly enjoyed the atmosphere, being on stage, the attention of Sunday – am I doing it for more of that?

If I do the Aussies and come home with nothing to show am I going to be totally devastated? I probably will be – I mean I had no expectations on Sunday and now I do, how do I maintain some semblance of rationality here?

Thursday

Am all good again. Had a good heavy training session today – really needed it after 2 days off! and we’ve come up with our new game plan for the next 4 weeks – pretty much the same as the old one!

go hard and heavy and have fun with it…it ain’t broke so we’re not going to fix it :-)

We’ve got 4 weeks to tweak and I trust Aiden’s ability to get the results he wants to see.

Have booked a dexa scan for tomorrow – its been 3 weeks since my last one, so I want to get a new baseline – hopefully I haven’t lost any more mass since the comp.

will let you know!

This entry was posted in Head Space Stuff, Recent and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>