fat and happy now

So what to have for a post comp treat meal – I’ve never craved anything during this whole process and since I’m off to Brisy in 2 weeks I can’t have a massive blow out, but I do think I deserve something for my 2 3rd places in big quality lineups. So for one meal, and only one meal the something I do enjoy is full fat greek yoghurt and berries – yum!

So tonights ‘special’ meal is a lovely 200g eye fillet cooked bloody as hell, with steamed green veggies and a bowl of strawberries and greek yoghurt…

fat and happy now


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Dream Tan: 1 Everything Else: 0

To look so good on stage today I had 5 spray tans with contest colour and then got smeared and patted with copious quantities of Dream Tan – I was DARK DARK DARK today, waaay darker than last time and it worked really well

Here’s Anna Quach and Skye MacDonald doing a great job as usual!

And it looked great on stage

but what goes on…must come off….

and boy, doesn’t it!! on EVERYTHING!!!

 that might be too much info!! :-p

what a mess!!!

guess what I’m doing to relax and unwind after a big day…


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fright night…again!

well bad omens and its show day!

confidence has taken a bit of a hit – last night I broke a nail!

that might sound trival, but if you’ve ever had acrylics put on you know thats like having your whole nail ripped out by its roots – it *&&*^% hurts! Acrylics are essentially a bit of shaped plastic superglued to your finger nails then covered with liqudised acrylic that sets like concrete. They are hard! they dont bend and they dont come off until you soak them for an hour or so in acetone. so to break one is painful to say the least and now I’m going to look like I’ve only got 9 fingers.

And thats not the only thing – I’ve had one of those wake up sweating dreams again, and yet again it involved my tan! I’ve obviously got some deep seated fear about tan’s going on!

This time though, I was up in Brisbane with 2 of my fellow competitors, we left the hotel on the morning of the show to go and get brekky…

so we’re sitting in a cafe eating our bacon and eegs  ( its show day..!!???) and i noticed my formerly beautiful dark chocolate tan that i’ve had sprayed on the last few days has just flaked off…

not just a little bit of flaking – huge gaping chunks and underneath I’m completely white – it hasn’t stained at all!!

then we head off to the Sleeman centre where the show is and byt the time I get there my tan has all totally flaked off – I’m white again – goddamit!

I’m sure I saw an extreme tan sign on the way in and the other 2 girls have  disappeared so I assume they’re checking the place out, I now need to get some tan on.  So I head up to where I thought Isaw the sign, but its not for tans its extreme body gym – Damn!!

so now I’m panicking – I’d better call Aiden and tell him to bring my tan stuff…unfortunately I’ve had my phone switched off and when I switch it back on there are 57 messages – oh shit whats been going on – I just need Aiden to get here with some tan.

Its 7:30 am and I’m on stage in 2 hours – theres a text from Aiden saying he’s 5 minutes from my house, which doesn’t really register with me, I just call him to say I’m already at the venue in Brisbane and….

he hangs up on me!!

and then I realise – I also haven’t got my makeup done – Sam is due at 8am at my house…in Melbourne…and I’m in Brisbane…

oh shit. I’m in completely the wrong state on the wrong day!

And then I woke up – I’ve still got my headphones plugged in and I was listening to my forest meditation when this fright occurred!

more lessons to be learnt:

1) remember to take all tan stuff to brisy

2) remember to take all tan stuff to brisy


hmm…detecting a theme here…must be really worried how I’m going to do my tan in brisy – must confirm my lady is all good 1st thing on Monday!

4) take plenty of comp food to brisy

5) make sure phone is all charged up and on at all times

6) get up!

its 6:15, time to get some brekky, then i’ll try and meditate again – need to turn this around….


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OMG!!! it is meant to be…


this turned up in my daily meditations this morning…

how spooky is THAT??

didn’t I say I had a great visualisation of me taking out the overall and didn’t I use the exact words ‘easy and effortless’ to describe today…

WOW! told you it was powerful stuff!!

I am sooo going to work it tomorrow!


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its been emotional…

in the words of that ‘great’ footballer turned actor Vinnie Jones in one of my favourite films Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (note to self – download and watch tonight!)

it’s been emotional…

so whats been emotional? well the last few weeks really – from the stress, crushing humiliation, shame and sense of being cheap, used and sold out that I got from the Fitness First New You awards – the inital anger at Aiden for walking out on the night leaving me to face it by myself, to the utter sense of despair and discouragement that saw me almost throw in the towel and go and get drunk,  to the dawning perspective, understanding and enlightenment that has brought an avalanche of amazing new ideas and goals that if I can pull it all together will take my life in another completely new, unexpected and very exciting direction

its been a rollercoaster.

Even the last few days I’ve been swinging from complete confidence to total pessimism and paranoia – will my legs come out? why do I feel fat? am I as lean as I was last time? why isn’t my posing working – how do I do the posing? Is there anything else  can possibly do to ensure I come up as well as last time? was last time a fluke? The self d0ubt and noise that are derived from fear at times bring me close to tears.

This is why many a good coach will tell you that the game/fight/race whatever it is is normally won or lost before the competitor even steps onto the arena….its all in the head and at times I’m literally doing my own head in!  :-)

Why can’t I be calm and trust the process??!!!

At the moment though I’m sitting here in a very serene space. I had such a good meditation this morning – opening myself up to the infinite love, peace and joy of the universe, being grateful for the journey that I am currently on – the people and experiences it is bringing in to my life. Visualising myself taking out the overall tomorrow, holding up that trophy, really feeling the pride and joy, listening to the support from the crowd, watching every pose happen perfectly…its incredibly powerful and uplifting

try it, you might surprise yourself with what you start to achieve…

so now I can relax, today is all going to be easy and effortless – tan,  register, tan, eat, Black Caviar will street the opposition in the Schillaci Stakes at Caulfield, England will stuff France in the Rugby, and Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels will be as good as ever.

And its my mum’s 70th Birthday – she’s a legend, my mum.

Happy Birthday to a strong beautiful, feisty lady.


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Relaxing…such hard work!

phew!!! this relaxing is HARD WORK!!!

for some reason I’ve been flat out today – in theory all I had to 2 was get 2 tans and my claws put on – easy right? so how come I was on the go all day from 6am and didn’t sit down until just now at 4:45???

I woke up at 4:30ish and with no reason to get out of bed I had a lovely long meditation until a late brekky at 6. I had some chicken that I ‘d poached up yesterday, about 5og of sweet potato and a cup of tea…


and then I got all hectic on myself – I decided I would be a great idea scrub the bathroom and kitchen before leaving the house at 9:30 for my 1st tan.  I didn’t want to be cleaning the house when my tan was done because me, water and spray tan do not mix well AT ALL! the trouble with THAT concept was, in order to be able to clean my kitchen I needed to have all the cooking done…and in order to have all the cooking done I needed to get all the shopping done….all before 9:30 and its 6:45…


so I dashed off to Coles – got my veg, salad, chicken, comp day rice cakes and strawberries – still have tons of jam and chocolate left over from last time when I probably bought enough for 3 weeks!

Got home, packed away the shopping, and realised  I’d forgotten the capsicum and nut butter…..bugger. Never mind can get those in town.

Next I chopped up all the broccoli and put it on to steam, chopped up a kilo of chicken into small pieces and stir fried with olive oil, lemon juice and garlic, chopped up a 200g sweet potato and boiled for a few mins before putting into the oven to bake (in macadamia nut oil and nutmeg) – time check 9am!!!


Time to make  the salad for lunch, scoff down my tuna salad snack and head out the door – on the dot of 9:30! excellent.

I also needed to get dream tan as the other pot I had didn’t make it back to my house, so I just had enough time to pop into Evelyn Faye pre tan…more Uddo’s oil while I’m there. I was talking to the lady on the check out and she was asking me when my comp was and wished me good luck, then she asked about how I was going with my diet and cravings and the like – she couldn’t believe it when I said I had no trouble at all! A friend of hers who used to compete, now can’t because she has the whole thyroid thing and adrenal stress – YET ANOTHER ONE!!

Goddamit, it makes me sick hearing this and this is why I have to pick up if Melita is not going to do comp prep anymore. Its so wrong that people are getting the wrong advice and messing themselves up – its doesn’t have to be that way!!


sorry, rant over :-)

And I made it to my tan on time. phew.

I’ve got 1/2 hour between my tan and my nails so I head up to the 5th level of Australia on Collins for a quick sit down and I want to have a snooze, but I check my emails instead – its 10:30 and I’ve only just checked my emails! ? Usually thats done by 5:45!!

Ok, nail time – I seriously don’t know how people do this on a regular basis – its soooo boring!!! sitting for 1 1/4 hours while someone moulds liquid ceramic with a paintbrush!

Don’t get me wrong, I certainly appreciate the skill and steady hand that is required, but  I was thinking about all the ‘relaxing’ I could have been doing instead!  I also just wanted to sleeep!

Nails done, I scoffed down the chicken salad I’d brought with me and headed off home.

forgot the capsicum again.


get when head into town for my next tan.

Ok so back home and time to scrub the house – I  didn’t have time to do it before, so I need to unpack the dishwasher, pack it with all this mornings cooking mess, hoover, scrub the bathroom, iron some clothes for next week, and finally scrub the kitchen.


time to sit down…?

no – posing practice!

ok so a quick 1/2 hour posing, which felt good and I think I’ve finally worked out how to spread my lats in the front pose! I’ve been getting really frustrated the last few weeks as I seem to have completely forgotten how to do most of the poses – particularly the front pose. But it all seemed to come together today so I might not do any tomorrow – just to make sure I do take it easy for 30 seconds!

time check…


bugger! now I need to eat again before heading off for next tan!

I get into town a bit early so I finally get the damn capsicum, the nut butter and also some dandelion tea. I’m getting  bit anxious that my legs are flat and won’t come out – I’m so impatient and really must learn to trust the process – but I do like to know I’ve done everything I can, and Melita says dandelion tea may help, so dandelion tea it is.

Alright, tan done am looking really dark now just have to try not to smudge it all, easier said than done in my case – I seem to have an incredible knack of finding something to do that will cause streaks and splodges – maybe I should just go to bed and stay there!

Actually thats a very good idea – I’m knackered! I was going to pack my show bag, but that can wait – I’ll do it tomorrow…whilst I’m relaxing!


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4 days to go…take 2

4 days to go!

It can’t believe its been 5 weeks since the Vics – its flown!

so today all the fluffy stuff starts – tan 1 and hair this afternoon, tomorrow is tan, nails, pose, tan, relax

Saturday is tan, pose, register, tan, relax

Sunday is hair and makeup – 8:00am ‘I dream of Jeannie’ makes her reappearance and 10:30 (if Aiden turns up on time!) is Show Time!!!

so how it this time round different from the 1st?

Well last time I had the day off to relax (in theory) and enjoy my last training session, but it sooo was not that, what with the Fitness First filming looming over us, both of us were stressed, anxious and strung out. I had to rush home from that to get frocked up and have hair done before getting back to the gym, then the film crew went to the wrong gym and they were over an hour late which impacted both mine and Aidens whole day and just added to the stress – it was a complete schamozzle and completely rattled me, I think i ended up going to bed at about 6pm because I was so emotionally exhausted.

Today couldn’t be more different! – I had an excellent last training session, really good back and chest work out - no stress at all,just our usual mucking around at training, we went over game day and how we wanted it to work out – didn’t get quite as far as planning where Aiden was going to take me for my treat meal when I win the Overall… :-p

I was feeling really strong and energetic – at last! and had a good posing session pre workout – there were a few things I wanted to try out and fine tune so I’m really happy with that.

My energy has returned and I’ve been really focused at work for a change :-)

no 11:30 crash, no coffee…yet…

and I’m just about to head off to do my last HIIT..looking forward to it even….?


Good HIIT!!! YAY! was strong all the way through, bouncing off the treadmill! no draining of energy, my breathing was good, my legs felt good – very positive sign.

so I’m done now for exercise – just a bit of posing practice tomorrow and Saturday to keep the muscles moving but otherwise its feet up and let nature take it course. :-)

I’m going to do exactly what I did last time – no tweaks, no changes, its aint broke so I’m not going to fix it.

I am a little anxious to see whether my legs come through – they’re looking a bit flat today, but Melita says be patient…

you’d have thought I would have learnt some of that at my age!


well I’m a beautiful chestnut brown with smudge patches and my hair is Jeanie coloured. Am feeeling very relaxed and think I have everything going according to plan.

Time to break out the tarpaulin and 94 season sleeping bag – to protect the bed from turning a beautiful chestnut brown with smudges…

its starting to feel real again!


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H.I.I.T by the wall

a very strange thing happened when doing my HIIT this morning – I actually felt the point where my body had used up whatever energy I’d gained from brekky and it had to tap into whatever else it could find – I guess that would be what little fat is left on me.

You know when you watch the sand in an hourglass it seems to empty slowly to start but then as it nears the last grains the top bit seems to empty more and more quickly, well it felt like that - the last remnants of energy draining out of me…

after that is was just tough going…

I got H.I.I.T by the wall.

Head on.

I’m still completely out of energy even after having PWO shake, everything is stiff and heavy again, I can’t concentrate

really neeeed 2nd brekky!


neeed sleeeep! can’t function. have just sort of ground to a halt. fuzzy head, sore knees. no energy

come on coffee – work! there’s definitely no-one home and the lights are…flickering intermittently…just!


made it to lunch – just…

and now there’s some semblence of functionality returning – am very cold, yet my knees and elbows are burning.


I can finally function again – trying to get some work done, whilst the going is relatively good


gotta go home…stuffed.

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The non Flu, Flu

This is weird – its like I’m not living in my body at the moment – it like this odd thing thats been hung on my bones, I just dont know how to describe it.

Every movement is heavy and feels like an effort and I’m sort of detached as I watch my legs move or my arms do things that somewhere I’m sure I’ve told them to do but its like some puppet master has got control of me and is pulling the strings…

I’ve dislocated my body!

and I’m soooo tired – if sleeping was an olympic sport – I’d be champion at that right now as well!

and hungry!! where is this coming from? up till now I haven’t felt hungry at all, not once, especially not when drinking 7 litres of water a day – but today – chicken, sweet potato – inhaled (usually struggle with this meal), tuna salad…inhaled and its still another HOUR before I can eat again and that will only be 2 1/2 hours between meals…dont know if I’ll last that long!


4th cup of herbal tea coming up…and more water…

1:46 pm


1:30 is the bogey time now, but I’ve had lunch and feeling much better – I’m warm (ish) for the first time in days!

altho not quite ready to give up the nanna cardy just yet

is it possible to have flu without having the flu?

3:17 pm

definitely must be on the mend from the ‘not flu’ – usually by the time its afternoon snack I’m just going through the motions because its on the list and I’m full. Not today – inhaled it…and STILL hungry!! have got through 5 litres of water + 6 cups of herbal tea so am not short on hydration!

am even warm enough to shed the nanna cardy… :-)

even think I’ll be able to stay awake in my 4pm meeting without another coffee…steady on!


ok definitely on the mend – Am looking forward to getting home to practice posing! I have this thing called e.n.e.r.g.y back – phew! I was starting to get a bit worried..

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Ground Control to Miss Figure Victoria…

Monday 3rd Oct

whoa maaan! I’m a complete space cadet today! after spending most of the weekend in bed resting and sleeping, I slept so well last night I was woken up by my alarm clock – I never get woken up by my alarm clock!

I’d slept for a solid 7 hours even after all the sleep I’d had at the weekend – unbelievable!

my body is REALLY telling me that it needs a break – very bad timing tho with only 6 days till the nationals and I’m as weak as a kitten.

I even got the tram to training…

having left my bike in the city on Friday, I thought I’d get into town early to pick it up then cycle to the gym, but I felt so tired and out of it that I got the tram…and then I slept all the way to the gym.  not good.

Fortunately I was at Vic gardens very early so I had time to get a much needed coffee – I felt a little more with it after that but my legs are still very stiff and shaky.

Which made training interesting – Aiden loaded up the leg press and I couldn’t even move it!

I told him to stop playing with me just because I’d said I was not on top of my game there was no need to load up extra, like he did when I had my coeliac episode…but he said he’d taken 20kg OFF…

not sure I believe him, because I still couldn’t move the damn thing.

And after the first set I just wanted to sleep! I just sat there on the leg press with my eyes closed. Usually that first set gets me pumped and the 2nd set we go heavier, not today – exhausted.

That pretty much set the tone for the rest of the session – very hard work and somehow I’ve got to get through a cardio session today….will leave that until tonight I think.

S on the tram back to work I was completely out of energy and kept vaguing out – you know when you just stare into nothing and there’s nothing going on in your head, which feels light and fuzzy and every limb weighs a ton – that feeling, its like your body is encased in concrete but your head is full of helium…

mind you there’s some might say that my head is full of helium all the time…


I don’t think I’m getting sick because I’m eating like a horse and usually my appetite is the 1st thing that goes..but my tuna salad this morning evaporated from the plate so quickly I think it was gone before I even registered that it twas there! could have eaten 3 times the amount!

its going to be a looong day…another dose of caffeine required…

4:09 pm

finally feel like I’m back in body – still using my cold hands as ice packs for my hot knees…

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