The last 2 days I’ve really struggled to stay awake, I’m constantly tired and my joints are stiff and aching. I’m not recovering from training at all and this morning I had the nausea after eating breakfast, which I haven’t had since before the Vics, I felt completely weak and shaky. I’m creeping around the office like an old woman of 90!
I think I’ve hit a new level of leanness and this is just the adjustment phase – I hope! cos it sucks. The good thing is that I’m handling these steps so much better now than in the beginning. I haven’t wanted to burst into tears for no apparent reason or had the emotional turmoil that I was getting before, theres been no trips to the ladies for a cry! although I definitely feel a bit down and am very quiet – not my usual chatty self.
At least the wrenching intense emotions, whirl of thoughts, insecurity and confusion is not there anymore - thank goodness!
I’m an ‘old hand’ at this now
my dexa result last night was a little confusing though – I’ve lost weight on the scales, but have put ON muscle and fat?? so I’m 51.7kg and 6.8% body fat!!! not really sure whats going on there and the results also show strange patterns of where I lost the muscle for example on my ‘left trunk’ and right arm, but then i put on muscle on my ‘right trunk’ and left arm. I lost muscle on my right leg and added muscle to my left leg – ?? I train everything the same so how can I have patterns of loss/gain?
Oddly enough, though whilst today I feel so completely spent and out of energy, my head is all fuzzy and I can’t concentrate or think and am relying on caffeine at the moment to keep my eyes open, I am still not losing strength and I’m actually looking really solid. My muscles actually look like they’ve got some proper substance to them now.
Today we did very heavy back – the heaviest I’ve ever done, and within minutes I was looking huge! I know its all an illusion, but I was ripped up and had ‘boulder shoulders’! Awesome! Aiden couldn’t believe it!
You know, I’m not going to look like the skinny pretender at the Aussies, I’m definitely not there just to make up numbers…
So what is worrying me then? Well, Kate (the dexa scan lady) said I was so low on body fat that I’m pretty much down to just the essential amount for the functioning of my organs, which doesn’t sound good – I mean what happens if I lose any more fat? Will my organs start to shut down? Will I get sick? Will it trigger my worst fear - osteoporosis down the track? What happens from here if I keep losing?
The trouble is I’m actually not trying to lose any more weight – I’m trying to maintain or even put on muscle!! I’m eating more protein than I probably should, LOTS of salad and veggies all with a nice dollop of Uddo’s oil and my 2 teaspoons of nut butter are…well…lets just call it ‘generous’…
and then there’s my casein shake I have before I go to bed – so I’m definitely not starving myself or skimping on quantities of what I can eat – I usually feel like a bit of a fatty by the time I get to bed!
But I am getting a bit concerned as to whether I’m now in danger territory and am potentially setting myself up for long term health issues. My body has really got the hang of this lean, mean, fat burning machine idea and it doesn’t look like it’s going to stop any time soon!
It’s only 3 weeks until the universe titles, but after the Aussie Titles I won’t have time to feed up in any way just to give my body a mini break so how do I stop wasting away?
Will have to see what Melita says on Saturday.